Well. That was unexpected. You know that pole fitness competition I was in? The one I entered in just for fun? Well I seem to have won. I now have a title and a crown. And it hasn’t sunk in at all. I am Miss Pole Diva 2011 and will be going on to try for the Miss Xpose Fitness 2011 title and crown.

I was 100% positive that one of two girls would win and neither one was me. So imagin my surprise when my name was called. See for yourself:

http://www.facebook.com/v/10150402070570191

Now let’s see if I can win that trip to Cancun! The rhinestones are on their way to the house as I type.

P.S. I brought a pretty dress to wear for the awards ceremony because they take pictures for the wall at the studio. However, because I didn’t think I would win, I decided to have fun in my hideous homemade robe. And look what happened!

I had moved this blog to www.stephylewis.com, but now that’s just something for my portfolio. I never use it. I always get excited about new ideas and designs. Then life happens. So I’m back here. I’ll keep letting you know about Julia and Joe and I. Let me start the updates:

Julia is amazing.

You already knew that, didn’t you? This girl is SO smart. I always have trouble remembering she’s still only 2. Last night when I put her to bed, I said how nice it would be if she slept through the night in her OWN bed. She said, “But when the babies come, I won’t be able to sleep in mommy and daddy’s bed. [NOTE: we are NOT pregnant]” I then said, “So, you’re going to sleep in our bed until then?” Julia said yes. But then she slept in her bed all night for the first time in weeks. I got to snuggle with Joe! I often forget what that’s like.

She loves learning new things. And every other sentence out of her mouth is, “When I grow up and get big, I can have/do/get (fill in blank).” Literally every other sentence. She really wants to go to school and will walk around the house in her backpack.

We can fix cars. Sort of.

At the beginning of last week, Julia and I got in my car to go grocery shopping. And the car wouldn’t start. My car has always acted when it rains a lot, and it had just been a wintery mix for a couple of days, so we let it sit to dry out. Still no go. So I learned how to check and replace a distributor cap, check the spark plugs, and I finally got around to finding the air filter, so now mechanics can’t bilk me on unnecessary air filter changes now. Joe got a spark plug wrench/ratchet and changed one where we found oil in the well.

Nuttin. We finally gave in and had it towed. It wasn’t the starter or the alternater. They replaced the distributor, spark plugs, wires, and disassembled the whole engine to check and replace the gaskets that cracked in the cold cold weather. DAMN YOU WINTER. I’m so over you! There goes our tax return!

I have a big competition coming up!

I still can’t believe I signed up for the Miss Xpose Pole Fitness competition. Preliminaries are February 19th (NEXT WEEKEND!) and the audience is female-only. I’m competing in two categories which means I had to choreograph two routines and come up with costumes for each one. While I would LOVE to win and go on to compete in the finals, I’m really just doing it for fun. I honestly don’t expect to win because the competition is stiff.

Guys, I LOVE pole dancing. Some of you who read this don’t get it, I know. But now that I’m in the most advanced class, it’s a highly gymnastic sport. I never ever though that I would be an athlete, but I am now! Complete with the sports injuries and everything. Think: one parallel bar form gymnastics. And it’s vertical. I jump, spin, climb, flip upside-down, do head and handstands (although I prefer hand-stands as my head is slightly pointy on top and head-stands hurt), and all sorts of fun, and painful-yet-pretty stunts.

I don’t strip. I get offended when anyone thinks that of me. I wear really short shorts and a tank top to class. Because it’s girls only, and we’re all close, a lot of girls workout in shorts and a sports bra. I’m never going to be confident enough to bare my tummy, so for competition, the base to each of my costumes is a ballet leotard. I’ve spent countless hours gluing rhinestones all over them and my shoes. Photos later. And while I don’t think I’ll win, if I DO, then I already know what my next song and costume will be. Glee inspired me.

Julia loves to birdwatch now.

Huh, spell check just corrected my spelling of “wedgie.”  Who knew?

So I have been completely lackadaisical about blog posts, I know. The thing is that I really hate writing. I do. No matter how many people tell me that they enjoy reading what I write, I really won’t ever believe I’m good at it. Maybe because if I find that it’s true, people will want me to write more and I hate to write.

This month (or seven) has brought about a lot of changes (albeit mostly minor ones). First and foremost, since this is supposed to be about Julia, she’s almost potty trained. We only wear diapers for sleeping now and soon that will be a thing of the past because, “No, mama. I don’t WANT to wear a diaper. I want to wear UNDERWEAR.” I see rubber sheets in our future. Also, with the advent of underwear comes the inevitable wedgie. Julia likes to tell us.

She is definitely a bossy little girl just like her mom, but when she follows it up with, “Thanks mama, you’re the BEST,” how can I complain?

I’m repainting the basement and hanging a zip line and new curtains to match my pole that has recently been installed. I’ve advanced to the top level of pole dance class and have the many bruises to prove it. But you should see the awesome things I can do! I’ll show you when I can look graceful doing them. I’m sure that all of this home improvement will slowly trickle up through the whole house, but I have to force myself to think only of one room at a time.

Joe has a new job that he’ll be starting on June 7th at SAIC. And because he has to wear a TIE to this job, we’re going out this week to buy the man some clothes that fit. REALLY fit. He looked at me the other day, then down at his clothes and said, “Maybe I look fat because my clothes are twice the width that I really am.” …  …  … Yes, darling, I love you. I’ve been thinking almost the same thing for the last 8 years. (Read: yes, you’re clothes are way too big and no, you’re NOT fat.)

We have redone most of the backyard. By that, we actually put in a garden. And by “we” I mean “I.” Joe did help. A little. We also put in a bird feeder and now one of Julia’s favorite things to do is watch the birds. She’s two and knows the difference between: morning doves, house finches, goldfinches, song sparrows, chickadees, cardinals (both boy and girl), blue jays, hummingbirds, and tufted tit mouses. Seriously??? Seriously.

Last weekend, we went strawberry picking and Grandpa Tom tagged along. Joe, Grandpa and myself did all of the picking. Julia just walked around picking and eating the strawberries. While at the pick-your-own farm, I also picked up some apple butter, pumpkin butter, and peach preserves. Here’s a tip: peach preserves and maple almond butter make a KILLER sandwich. Even if Julia takes one look at it and says, “That’s weird, I don’t want that.” What toddler doesn’t like PB&J??? Ours. She would rather have sushi.

For all of you who got anything food or kitchen related, Julia LOVES to cook food in her kitchen. Every now and then, she wants to be a chef and put on her chef’s hat and apron. There’s a video on YouTube now.

I know I’ve been lax in videos and pics, but as I type this, about 10 new videos are going up. They’ll probably still be uploading after you finish reading. Who knows? Now who is going to come over and help my pick the 16 leftover crabs from last night?

P.S. Joe got his first book published! Buy a paper copy and help support Joe’s ego our family.

http://rockablepress.com/books/give-a-rockstar-presentation/

Julia has informed me that when she grows up, she wants to be an astronaut so that she can go to the moon and Mars. I can’t believe she can think this stuff up at so young an age. She also wants to be a doctor and walks around with her toy “step-o-scope” to listen to our heartbeats.

We recently put up a bird feeder in our backyard and now our mornings are filled with sitting at the window pointing out the different birds that visit us. She can tell me when she sees a cardinal, goldfinch, blue jay, mourning dove, and (her favorite) a chickadee-dee-dee. Then we usually follow it with a round of “On Top of Spaghetti” and then read a pile of books.

It’s good stuff people. Good stuff.

It. Never. Stops. Between her, my pole dancing classes, and applying for jobs, I barely have time to cook dinner. We managed to have time to thrown a big party this past weekend where we taught everyone to make their own sushi. It was very yummy.

Julia is almost 2. She is amazing. She can count to 14 all by herself now. Apparently, some daycares don’t bother teaching kids to count to 20 until they’re 4. FOUR. ????? I don’t get it either. She knows all of her shapes and colors, can sing half of the alphabet and can identify most letters of the alphabet. Her favorite show ever is Little Einsteins. (Happy, Erica?) She LOVES to play instruments and sing and color. She really blows me away with how advanced her speech is. She knows what the color INDIGO is.

We’ve begun potty training. Or at least, we did it for a week and are currently on hiatus. She’s managed to put her pee in the potty once, but then, one day, she kept freaking out when I put her on the potty. Since that day, we’ve been taking a break. I’ll try again this weekend I suppose.

Hopefully, I’ll get a job soon. It’s time for Julia to go to school and make friends. At school, she’ll learn to paint and cook and all kinds of things. I am completely running out of mommy-steam. I miss being around other adults, applying my trade. I’m ready for work.

Ok, time to get back to that to-do list. Oh, and maybe eat lunch. Until who knows when!

It’s snowed last night and right now Julia is pointing at the bag in Joe’s hand saying ‘fwench fwies! Chicken! Hungry! Eat it!” We’re teaching her letters and numbers right now. She can count to ten with coaching and then she throws 18, 19, 20 onto the end. Just for good measure, I guess. I don’t know where she learned her teens, we didn’t teach her. Maybe Sesame Street did.

She’s 1.75 years old and can count a little, answer the TV questions accurately (you know, when kid shows ask you questions and pause waiting for an answer?) She LOVES Little Einsteins, Imagination Movers, Handy Manny and can rattle off lists of the characters randomly. Sometimes I feel guilty that she knows so many TV shows, but she’s super smart and still runs me ragged, so I’m not worried about it stunting her development.

Julia REALLY wants to wear underwear, but she REALLY doesn’t want to learn to use the potty, so we have bullfits when mommy says she can’t wear underpants. She speaks in full sentences and is just starting to refer to herself as “I” instead of “baby.”

I taught her how to go shoe shopping this weekend. It was very cute. Alright, time for lunch. Here’s a photo I haven’t uploaded to Flickr:

Luckily, she’s shot up two whole inches and gained a pound and a half. So all is good! Her first Trick or Treat has gone by. She dressed in her fairy costume and went around with her pumpkin. We started out well. She went up to our neighbor, Kim, and said “teek teet” (trick or treat) and looked at the candy as Kim gave her some. By the time we were almost done, she was walking up to people, taking candy herself, reaching up to me, and once I picker her up, she wrapped her legs around me, pointed and said, “Go! Go!”

I’m SO not even kidding. I’m not exaggerating. I’m completely serious.

She’s starting to show her baby dolls what things are. For example, she took the baby outside, shoved it’s face in the grass and said “gass!”

There’s another Julia in our neighborhood who is two months older than our Julia, but she hardly speaks at all. Her mom said she wished her Julia talked like mine, so I told Jules to go tell Julia to talk. So she took her toy pig and bunny, walked over to the other Julia, showed her the pig and said, “piggy!” She showed her the bunny and said, “bunny!” Then she patted the bicycle next to her and said, “bike!”

She’s the best kid ever made. She’s brilliant. Today in the Disney Store, she saw the new Beauty and the Beast tea tray and set. It’s on wheels. She grabbed the display and started pushing it all over the store periodically stopping to serve tea. Let’s just say, if you have no idea what to get her for a present, pretty much anything in the Disney Store will do. Handy Manny toys, princess toys, tinkerbell, Shang (Mulan’s prince), Mickey… Just know that we already got her the toy Handy Manny with tools.

Oh, and she found a kid-sized wingback chair in Target. Enjoy.

In other news, I just won 24 free classes at my pole dancing studio! I rock.

This girl is amazing. She is so incredibly smart! She has a book of animals. There are 26 and she can tell you what 24 of them are. She knows all of her colors. She can tell you what a square, triangle, circle and line are and can draw a line and circle when asked.

She can tell you which book she wants you to read now, whether it’s Madeline, Listening Walk (Walk), Princess stories (Peencess), Stone Soup (Soup), The Big Red Barn (Barn), Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (Star), or her “Ay, Eee, C’s” book. Sometimes she doesn’t want you to read them, sometimes she would rather read them herself:

She can tell you want movie or show she wants to watch: Garfield, Bell (Tinkerbell), King/Hoggle/Sarah (The Labyrinth), Elmo, Manny (Handy Manny), Movers (Imagination Movers), Mickey, etc. etc. I won’t list them all because I’m sure you don’t want to read a long paragraph of movie titles.

We got her a potty and she’ll sometimes sit on it fully-clothed and say “pee pee! poo poo!”

I let her pick what color shirt she wants to wear in the morning. And she takes her baby doll and feeds it with a bottle. Or opens her little couch and puts the baby on it saying “seep, baby seep” or “poo poo, diaper.” Did I mention that her baby must have a diaper on at all times? yeah. And when Julia poos, she asks for a wipe to clean her doll’s diaper.

She’s starting to learn her letters and her numbers. She’s only just 18 months old! I didn’t know a 17 month old could do all this. The Other Julia’s mom and dad wish that their Julia could talk like her. We have a wiz kid.

Another of her favorite pass times is to sit in the chair in front of this computer and watch a slide show of herself at Hilton Head.